I bought this journal today. I think that I need to get a lot of tension out and this seems to be the best way. I guess I should stop talking to a piece of paper. Something very important happened today. It has been two years since Goku-san left. (Well, maybe not exactly leave) I can't believe that has been so long. I still think I see him everywhere. I thought I saw him in a bookstore, but it was just some businessman. I should I have known,
Goku-san wasn't the type of person to read anyway. I just hate getting my hopes up everytime I see a piece of black hair...I just wish he could visit. I can't stand seeing my family like this. Maybe it's not just Goku being gone, maybe because we haven't seen or talked to any of our friends since it happened. Maybe a little of both. It's kinda ironic how Goku-san was the one who held us all together.
Life is so sad now that Goku-san is gone. Otousan hasn't been the same. He doesn't train now anymore. At first I thought he would be happy that he was the strongest person on Earth, but I know better. Goku-san was Otousan's best friend, even if his saiyan pride would keep himself from admitting it. Otousan used to be obessed with beating Goku-san, but now that he is gone, Otousan has nothing to do. Goku-san isn't there anymore...Otousan has no one to compete with. It has gotten worse as the years went by. First he would just lock himself in the gravity room, just to train for hours on end. I think that was just his immediate way of coping.After a couple days, Otousan would just sit on his favorite chair, thinking. It's really sad seeing him just sitting there, sitting and thinking unknown thoughts. One day I asked him if he was okay. I saw a glimpse of sadness in his eyes, and he quickly hid it from me. He snapped at me and told me that it was none of my business. I wish he would just share his feelings with me, but his pride would never let him do that. Now, he has been eating, sleeping, and watching television, guzzling alcohol, just like normal human men do. It's terrible
seeing him like this. I just wish that Goku-san would come back and put the spark back in his eyes that he has been missing for so long.
Okaasan hasn't been much better. She just locks herself in her labs for hours, working on some unknown project. I wish she could just talk to me, but she's always in a bad mood. She snaps and her and Otousan fight a lot more now. Her hair has started to go gray and limp. Her once blue eyes have now gone gray. Goku-san meant a lot to her, the were friends since she was a teenager. She doesn't have 'time' for me anymore. I hate living at home now. No one pays attention to me, I may as well be living in a morgue! Goku-san, why did you do this? WHY?
I haven't seen Trunks lately. He has been too busy working. He is always working now. He is always at Capsule Corp. with his desk overflowing with paper work. He still looks the same though, except for the bags that are always under his eyes. They never seem to leave. I wish he would find a nice girlfriend that would help him relax. He hasn't talked to me in about a week and the last thing he said was, 'whatever'. I wish Goten-kun would come by and cheer him up. Goten-kun always kept him from becoming a work-alcholic.
I haven't talked or seen Marron and Pan since...I don't know how long. Maybe a year??? Maybe 16 months? I haven't been keeping track. I miss them.
After everything happened, Chichi moved away because the house had too many memories and Krillin's family moved away from the Kame House for the same reasons. We used to write, but slowly the letters stopped. We stopped calling and they stopped visiting. Maybe it was because when we talked, we never said anything, if you know what I mean. The same words would always start the conversation. (So, how are you?) Then nothing more would happen. I guess everyone's thoughts would drift to times before, past adventures, past dreams. I really miss everyone though. I miss Goten-kun's smile and his laugh. I miss Pan's stubborness and shyness around Trunks! I miss Marron's sweetness and Chichi's hysteria! Gohan's intellegence, Videl's spunk,
Krillin's cheesy jokes, Otousan's cockiness, Okaasan's happiness, Trunks annoying me, Yamacha's many girlfriends.......I miss the paries the most. The days when everyone would get together just for the heck of it. I miss the adventures, Pan, Trunks, Goten, Marron, and I would have. I miss everyone laughing and our parents playing match-maker. I never thought I would miss that.
Life has I knew it has died. Fun times...happness...laughter...I never knew how much all these mean to me until they were gone. Happiness is gone from my family, my friends, even me. Goku-san kept us together...his smile, laughter, optimism, hunger, kindness, and stupidiy (sometimes) tied us all together. Goku-san was the ribbon that bond us together. He kept us from drifting apart. I wonder now as I write in this diary...what is Goku-san doing now? Is he watching over us, or saving other people? Whatever it is, I know it's better than what it is like here.
I've thought for a couple minutes and realized something. We can't count on Goku-san to support us anymore, we have to be able to walk on our own. Goku-san was a great person and friend, but we have to learn how to stay together on our own. We can't just stop talking after all that we have been through. We need someone to count on...someone we can lean on. A shoulder to cry on and someone to understand where we are coming from. We can't desert each other in a time where we need each other. Pain this great takes time to get over...it takes time to start over. And I know now that we need to rebuild from the rubble, we need to share our feelings...we need...to move on. That can only start with one person leading the way and I am willing to take that responsabity.
I guess buying this journal was worth it after all. I finally realized what I need to do. I need to become the bonding ribbon...it all starts with one phone call. I pick up my phone. I am well on my way...the way to tie the
bonding ribbon. I know with a little faith, sweat, and tears, we all will double knot the ribbon.
Fanfics / By Authors
E-mail Author: Bra-chan85