Briefs' Basement: The gang is watching "Petticoat Junction" on TV.)
Pan: Does it bother anyone that these women live in Hooterville?
Trunks: Technically Petticoat Junction is just town the track from Hooterville.
Pan: Ok, does it bother anyone that they live just down the track from Hooterville?
Marron: It bothers me that they bathe in the town water tank.
Goten: With the dog.
Paris: It isn't the drinking water, it is the water for the train.
Marron: It's still three naked women, with a dog.
Ubuu: I want to be the Hooterville dog.
comes down with a basket full of washing.)
Bulma: Yoo hoo, coming down. Now don't mind me, I'm just putting some clothes in. Trunks-kun, (Holding up a shirt) I thought you could wear this on your birthday, it's nice, you look so handsome in it.
Trunks: Why would I want to dress nice on my birthday?
Goten: It's your birthday?
Bulma: Oh, you never know what's going to happen on your birthday.
Trunks: Kaa-san. Kaa-san, do NOT throw a party for me.
Bulma: Oh well listen to Popularity-san, like I have time to plan you a party. (Laughs) Oh um, by the way, your imoto-chan Bra is coming home from boarding school for the weekend, no special reason, she just is. (She goes back upstairs.)
Marron: Well, you're getting a party, and best of all it's a surprise.
The credits roll
(The Briefs Kitchen: Vegeta is reading the paper. The radio is playing. Bulma dances over to Vegeta to refill his glass. Trunks enters.)
Trunks: Konnichiwa Kaa-san, Tou-san.
(Vegeta grunts andTrunks heads towards the fridge but Bulma realizes where he's going and closes the door before he can see what's inside.)
Bulma: Uh, uh, I'll get it. (She open the door just enough to get the milk out for Trunks. The Trunks proceeds to try and open a cupboard but Bulma slams it shut.) Uh, uh, I'll get it. (She gets a box of cereall out of the cupboard for Trunks.)
Trunks: Did I just see about seven bags of potato chips in there?
Bulma: They were on sale.
Trunks: Please don't throw me a party.
Bulma: (Sitting down) I'm not throwing a party.
Vegeta: Don't give him one.
Bulma: (Quickly) I'm not.
Vegeta: He's too old for a surprise party.
Bulma: (Raising her voice) I'm agreeing with you.
Vegeta: Then stop yelling.
Bulma: I'm not yelling.
Trunks: (Sitting down) Look, I know money's tight, so I don't want a big birthday.
Vegeta: I'll decide when money's tight. Now, what kind of gift do you want? Don't worry about the cost, as long as it's reasonable.
Trunks: Ok, I would like a new capsule car, and my own dragonball scouter
Bulma: What are you going to do with a dragon scouter?
Trunks: Personal things.
Vegeta: Then you won't get one.
Bulma: Oh, but honey, he wants one.
Trunks: Yea Tou-san, I want one!.
Vegeta: You'll get a new Capsule Car, model 70.
Trunks: It doesn't have to be a 70, it's just for music.
Vegeta: Oh, now see, now there's your first mistake. Parts have to be compatible. Trunks.You're not burning cheap gas in that car, are you?
Trunks:Iie, Tou-san. (Pause) Well, I'm going out. (He gets up)
Bulma: (Getting up) Oh, good. I want you to run to the store for me. Get a large can of frosting and fifteen small bags of M&M's, plain, not peanut. (Trunks stares at her.) They're for your Tou-san. (Trunks just shakes his head and leaves through the living room. Bulma breathes a sigh of relief.) Wooo...That was close!
(The Briefs Driveway: The guys are playing basket ball. Paris and Marron are leaning against the Capsule Car.)
Paris: What are you going to get Trunks for his birthday?
Marron: I don't know. Nothing seems right. I wanna give him something special.
Paris: But he kissed you!
Paris: Get in the car. Marron, get in the car so we can talk. (They get in the car) Ok, what happened?
Marron: Paris, I'm not going to talk to you about this.
Paris: And who are you going to talk to? (They look at the guys, who are sparring.)
Marron: Ok. We get home from the Zen concert, and I'm sitting on the hood of the car, and I kissed him.
Paris: French or Japanese?
Marron: I can't believe I'm talking to you about this. (We see Pan and Goten giving Ubuu a wedgie)
Ubuu: Boys, no...
Marron: I've known Trunks my entire life, and we talk about everything together, we love the same music, we love playing pranks on Vegeta, and then I kissed him and everything changed and now I don't know if he's my boyfriend or he's my best friend, and if he's my boyfriend, I lose my best friend and if I screw it up I lose my best friend and my boyfriend and now I've gotta get him this gift and I don't know if-
Paris: Marron, Marron! I've solved it. Get him a scented candle.
Marron: A scented candle?
Paris: It's practical and romantic. Oh yeah.
Marron: (Mouths) Oh yeah...
(The Briefs Basement: Bra is doing laundry and is dressed only in a sweatshirt. The guys enter.)
Ubuu: (Holding the ball) I had the ball last, I win.
Goten: No, you didn't win.
Ubuu: Yes, I had the ball last, I- (As Bra bends over both Ubuu and Goten freezes) Holy Dende
(Stepping in front of Ubuu and speaking in a deep voice) Hello
Bra: (Friendly) Hello Goten. (Sourly to Goten) Pan (she just stares at her with disgust.)
Ubuu: Who is the goddess?
Goten: The goddess is Trunks's imoto-chan.
Pan: She's not a goddess. She's more the manipulative conniving spoiled brat. (Trunks comes downstairs)
Trunks: Shouldn't you put some clothes on?
Trunks: Aren't you a little cold?
Bra: No, in fact, I'm hot.
Trunks: Oh, well then why don't you go upstairs?
Bra: I'm waiting for my jeans to come out of the dryer and i want you to stay off my case, it will only take me a minute. (Goten continues to stare at Bra as if in a trance.)
Trunks: I don't think Goten's gonna last that long.
Bra: Too bad. It's not like I'm completely naked under this. I'm wearing underwear. (She pulls her shirt up briefly to show them. Goten and Ubuu let out "Ooohhh" and "Aaaiiiee" noises.) If we were at the beach, you wouldn't even notice me.
Pan: If we were at the beach, Goten would be in the water right now.
Bra: So I understand you have the model 45 now? I want to borrow it tomorrow night, I need it.
Trunks: Ok, but I need a favor.
Bra: For you? I don't think so.
Trunks: Come on, just tell mom I'm too old for surprise parties.
Bra: But you're the big boy. (Patronizing) And Kaa-san loves her big boy.
Trunks: Well if you do it, you can borrow the Vista Cruiser.
Bra: All night.
Trunks: All night?! (She nods) Fine.
Bra: Then it's a deal (She pinches his cheek) baby. (She goes upstairs)
Goten: (Smiling) Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo...Whooooo! (Does a pelvic thrust) Yeah! Your sister wants me! I mean you saw her coming onto me right? (Ubuu opens his mouth to speak but Pan stops him.)
Pan: Let him go.
Goten: Remember? I said, "Hello Bra" and Bra said...
in Goten's fantasy: each bit is from what she said before but pasted together...)
Bra: Hello Goten. I'm waiting - and I want you - baby - take me - now - I need it - bad - I need it - all night - and momma loves her baby- I'm completely naked under this - and - I'm hot - for you - Goten.
(Goten has a goofy smile on his face. The others just stare at him with a mixture of confusion and pity.)
Goten: What? You didn't see it?
Briefs' Dining Room: 360 around the table.)
Vegeta: So, how's your friend, Janice?
Bulma: Oh, she was such a nice girl, how would that happen?
Trunks: Well, first the egg travels down the fallopian to the uterus, where I attaches to the wall-
Vegeta: Trunks, for Kamis sake, that's no language for a woman to hear.
Bra: It's ok Vegeta, I know what a fallopian tube is, I think Mom does too .
Bulma: Well, I just don't like my little boy bandying those words about. (She leans over and wipes the corner of his mouth.) You're still my baby.
Trunks: Thanks, Mom. Bra?
Vegeta: Quit staring at your sister and eat your carrots.
Bra: Oh yeah, Trunks wanted me to tell you that he thinks he's too old for a party. Keys?
Bulma: There's no party. Bra, no slips.
Trunks: Oh, Bra, I remembered I can't loan you the Model 45 on account of I hate you.
Vegeta: Bra, you're not driving the Model 45, it's old and undependable. It could break down, you could be at the mercy of any maniac who came along. That's ok for Trunks. But you're taking the Model 57. (He hands her the keys) Oh and uh, here's a twenty.
Will that cover gas?
Bulma: Oh, well it should-Honey, honey, give her another ten just in case.
Trunks: You know, I could probably use some gas money.
Vegeta: Yeah, and if Captain Ginyu had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he hops. (He gives Bra more money)
(The Briefs' Living Room, 3 AM: The doorbell rings and Trunks comes downstairs.)
Trunks: Coming, I'm coming. (He opens the door to see Marron there in her nightgown) Marron? Marron, it's 3 AM, are you crazy?
Marron: Crazy? Crazy in love with you. What is it about you that drives me wild with passion and desire?
Trunks: Well I am (pauses) seventeen now...
Marron: Shut up and sit down. (Trunks runs to the couch and sits. Marron comes in and closes the door.) I have to give your birthday present. It can't wait any longer. Close your eyes. (We see Marron's hand drop her nightgown into Trunks's lap.)
Trunks: (Holding the nightgown with his eyes closed) This is my birthday present?
Marron: No, that's my nightgown. I'm your present, open your eyes birthday boy!
(We see a plate with two eggs on it)
(The scene quickly changes to Trunks's bedroom: He opens his eyes quickly.)
Bulma: (Laughing) Birthday breakfast (Vegeta and Bra are behind her) and this is it young man, a few gifts tonight, the end. And it is too late to change your mind about a party now, so don't think you're going to get one, or you will be sorely disappointed. (She gives Bra a big smile like she fooled him and leaves.)
Vegeta: Hapy birthday. (He turns to leave and then comes back.) You know, the lawns not going to cut itself. (He leaves.)
Trunks: Arigatou Kaa-san, Tou-san.
(The Briefs' Basement: Ubuu, Paris, Goten, Pan and Marron are all sitting still, not saying anything and look like they're concentrating on something. Trunks looks at them and knows what's going on.)
Trunks: Look, I know what you're all doing here.
Goten: (Not moving) What are you talking about, man? We're just hanging out, except we're dressed nice, but that doesn't mean anything.
just continue to just sit there. Bulma comes down the stairs.)
Bulma: Hi kids, um, I need your help with something. Paris, Marron, Pan, Goten, (Pause) young man with the mowhawk, could you give me a hand? Not you Trunks. (The five of them get up and go upstairs. When they get throgh the door, we hear what sounds like a herd of buffalos running around on the wooden floor.)
Trunks: God, I can't take it. (He tries to leave through the back door but when he opens it, Vegeta is standing in the doorway.) Bu-
Vegeta: Nooo. No, sir. (Bulma comes downstairs again.)
Bulma: Trunks? Trunks, honey? Honey, could you come up here for a second? (She goes back upstairs) Shut up, he's coming!
(The Briefs' Living Room: Point of view from inside Trunks's present. The paper torn away from in front of the camera to reveal Trunks wearing a party hat, and Vegeta and Bulma leaning over each shoulder.)
Trunks: Wow...I mean, yeah...
Bulma:(Laughing) It's a Dragon Scouter!
Trunks: I see that.
Vegeta: Just what you asked for.
Bulma: You made such a big deal about it, I wrote it down.
(Time lapse: Trunks and Pan are sittying on the couch. Trunks opens his gift.)
Trunks: (Holding them up) Dragonballs. Great, thanks, Pan.
Pan: (Holds up the dragonball scouter) You're welcome.
Bulma: Oh, later lets go and find the others!.
(Time lapse: Trunks opens another present.)
Trunks: Hey...(Holds up the box)A shave dispenser!
Bulma: (Grabbing the box out of his hand) Oh, he won't need that for a long time. A long, long time.
Android 18: Of course he will, he's almost like a man. (Bulma starts to cry)
Marron: (picking up her present) I got you something.
Paris: No! Marron, help me find my purse. Now! (She grabs Marron by the arm and drags her into the kitchen.)
(The Briefs' Kitchen)
Marron: Paris, you didn't even bring a purse!
Paris: Duh! You can't give him your present in front of his guy friends.
Marron: I am one of his guy friends.
Paris: Look, Marron, I have put a lot of thought into this gift, please do not wreck it for me.
Marron: (Sarcastically) I'm sorry. I guess I was being selfish.
Paris: (missing the sarcasm) That's ok.
(The Briefs' Living Room)
Vegeta: Ok, it's time we disappeared.
Bulma: What, honey? Honey, the party just started.
Vegeta: I know, that's why we're going over to Kakkarotts.
Bulma: Well I wanted to give Trunks a party.
Vegeta: And you did. (He pulls Bulma toward the door) You make a mess, you're all grounded.
Krillin: (Smiling) You darn kids.
follows Android 18 out the door.)
Bulma: Well you know, what if they run out of ketchup or something?
Vegeta: Let's go. (Pulling her out.)
Bulma: (Desperately trying to stay) Well we have more buns and sweet pickles if you don't like the dills. (Vegeta finally manages to pull her out the door.)
Bra: (Getting up) Ok, I'd like to stay, but I'm going to another party.
(She goes to the door)
Goten:(Runs around the couch, almost knocking over the lamp and stops at the bottom of the stairs.) So. Bra. Where's the party your going too? You know, maybe, we'll cruise by later.
Bra: In your dreams, you baka.
(She leaves letting the door slam behind her.)
Ok, you guys had to see that!!
(The Kame House Kitchen: Krillin, Juuhachigou, Vegeta, ChiChi, and Bulma are playing Yahtzee, Goku is with Shenron still)
Krillin: (Rolls the dice) Three fours, I need them.
Krillin is very good at Yahtzee.
Bulma: (Looks at Vegeta) The liquor cabinet.
Vegeta: It's locked.
Bulma: What if there's an emergency?
Vegeta: They'll call.
Bulma: What if they run out of chips?
Vegeta: They'll starve.
Krillin: (Getting up) I'm gonna fix myself a Tom Collins. Vegeta?
Vegeta: No, the baka onna needs one.
Bulma: (Getting up) Well I am just worried. (Hears a car) Oh my Lord, Bra's leaving!
Vegeta: Well onna, she's in college, she doesn't want to hang around them.
Bulma: (Heading towards the phone) Maybe I should call, just in case-
Vegeta: (Jumping up and getting to the phone before she does) Onna, what could happen?
Bulma: What could happen? Well plenty could happen. Oh, plenty.
(Bulma imagines all the bad things that could be going on at Trunks's party. She does all the voices. Goten is dressed like a pimp, Marron, Pan and Paris are dressed like whores and Ubuu is dressed as a gangster. Trunks is in the same clothes and tied to a chair. )
Now that the adults are gone, we can be as bad as we want.
Paris: Who wants to give Trunks a venereal disease?!
Goten: (Jumping over the couch) Hey look, coasters!! (Picks up a couple of handfulls of them off the table)
Pan: (Follows Goten over the couch, who hands him a handful of coasters) Forget coasters!! (she throws them into the air)
Trunks: Please, fellas, my mom put out coasters for a reason.
Pan: (Picking up a glass) I think I'm going to put my drink directly on the furniture. (Puts the glass down) That way, it will leave a ring.
Trunks: Nooo!! Why oh why didn't I beg my mother to stay?!
Ubuu: (Who has one foot up on the table and is on the phone) Quiet you silly Japanese baka! I am making a long distance call on your parents' phone!
Trunks: But that's immoral!
Ubuu: Hah! (Puts the phone down) In the place I trained of...(pauses) whereever it is I am from I can never tell, morals get in the way of a good dirty time. But first, I need to eat some chips. (Walks over to the table) What?! Out of chips?! Now I am mad. (Charges a ki blast) I must shoot something.
Trunks: Not the littlest hobo!! (Ubuu aims at ans shoots the figurine on the TV and it blows up in slow motion.) Whyyyyyyy?!
(Fade back to the Kame House Kitchen)
Vegeta: You're overreacting baka onna.
ChiChi: (Gets up holding a book) Oh Bulma-chan, when Gohan went off to college, I felt the same way, but this book of poems helped me. It's called, "Verses From an Empty Nest."
Krillin: Read her that one about the little bird that lost it's way.
ChiChi: Oh yeah...(Opens book) The little bird that once did sing, is now alone with broken wing.
Krillin: (Choked up) Oh, Kami.
Bulma: Yep, that sounds nice. (Handing her glass to Vegeta) I need a refill.
Vegeta:Baka onna, you usually only drink one. (Bulma takes back the glass)
Well tonight I'm having two. (Holds out her glass to Krillin, who refills
(The Briefs' Kitchen: Marron and Paris are talking)
Paris: Wait on the porch and I'll get Trunks.
Marron: It's dark out there.
Paris: And you're giving him a candle. Yeah. Here, matches. (She hads them to her.)
Marron: He might not want to light it.
Paris: Don't say that! Don't even think it. Now, when he opens it he'll say "Cool" or something and then you give him a look, like this...(She demonstrates by tilting her head to one side and batting her eyes, which Marron cannot find any words to reply with.)
(The Briefs Living Room: The guys are talking.)
Ubuu: So, what did you get from Marron?
Trunks: Nothing yet.
Goten: Uhhhhh...Maybe it's the big gift. You know the really big gift. (He gets no reaction) You guys know what I'm saying when I say "the big gift" right?
Pan: Yeah, we get it. And we got it.
Ubuu: I'm not even from here and I got it!
Paris: (Entering) Oh Trunks, Marron's on the porch. (The guys all turn to look at Trunks)
Goten: He's gettin' the big gift!
(The Briefs Patio: Marron stands awkwardly while Trunks unwraps his gift.)
Trunks: Oh, a sand candle, this is very cool.
Marron: Oh, it's nothing. (Tries to give the "look," but fails)
Trunks: (Worried) Are you ok?
Marron: Oh, I'm fine, yeah...
Trunks: 'Cause you looked like you might be sick or something.
Marron: I am just being completely stupid.
Trunks: Hey, that's Gotens line.
Marron: (Smiles) I was worried about the gift.
Trunks: Why? This is a very cool gift, I'd light it if I had matches.
Marron: Here. (Puts matches on top of the candle.)
Trunks: You thought of everything.
Marron: Well, happy birthday.
stand in an awkward silence. Trunks slowly slides his hand over Marron's
on the banister. They look at each other and for a second, look like they're
about to kiss, but then there is a loud crashing sound. Vegeta and Bulma
aproach from across the driveway. Bulma is drunk.)
Bulma: Ooohhhhh...Look at this...Ooohhhh...We never thought to put a candle out here, oh, it is just so romantic.
Vegeta: Let's keep moving, there's nothing to see out here. (He guides Bulma through the door)
Trunks: Arigatou, Arigatou Tou-san
Bulma: (From inside) Oh, we have candles in the bedroom, don't we?! (Vegeta and Bulma laugh, making Trunks and Marron cringe)
(Epilogue, The Briefs Patio: Trunks and Marron are sitting down with the candle lit. Paris, Goten, Ubuu, and Pan are watching from inside, attempting to hide behind the counter.)
Paris: This is it, he's going for it.
Goten: Uh-uh, it's his birthday, she should make the first move.
Marron: She did last time.
Paris: Nothing! Just shut up and watch.
Pan: Come on Briefs, go for it!
Trunks:(Looks in at them) The door is open, we can hear you. We can see you! (They all duck behind the counter)
Ubuu: Is he kissing her?
Pan: None of us can see them, Ubuu.
Ubuu:(Calling out) Trunks, are you kissing her?
(Marron pushes the door closed and Trunks blows out the candle.)
Princess Bra: Did you like the story?
HaRUko^: *laughing her ass off* Oh my god, that was so funny!! And this episode of 'That 70s Show' is one of my fav!! Seriously Sailor Leo! You should write more something like this! *..still laughing*